Tuesday, October 22, 2013

The Perfect Tantrum

When I originally sat down to write this post I defaulted to my usual melancholy, gloom cloud, soul wrenching explanation of what has been going on. In an effort to stick to my new, brighter outlook on things, I decided to write this instead. To set the scene, in short, I got a note from daycare...the worst kind of note you could get...my child is the "unruly" kid in class. As is my normal MO upon hearing the news, the ground moved from under my feet and sucked me down the black hole of mommy guilt from which it seemed I was doomed to never return. Once the acid burning my eyes from the neon highlighter faded away (yes the note was HIGHLIGHTED) I started to digest the situation in an non-panicky way of course (yeah right).

I freaked out. I haven't been with my kid enough, I haven't been doing what I'm supposed to be doing in order for her to succeed in her little daycare universe. I am a terrible mom. These where the mildly horrible thoughts that ran through my head. I was a miserable wreck. In all honesty, helping her walk and talk (two fundamental skills she will use for life) was small potatoes compared to this new endeavor...teaching her how to share and tolerate others (something I am still working on as an adult). This task seems impossible, especially with someone who barely talks much less understands or has the patience to understand what I'm trying to tell her.

Needless to say, I immediately sprung into action that night with a game of "share with mommy" which ended in a ferocious scream fest that lasted two full hours with no relief for my poor ear drums in sight. This behavior has sadly gone from the exception to the standard. Where has my sweet baby gone? I thought we had already entered the worst of the "tantrum" stage but oh naïve little me was sooo very wrong. A few grumblings over not getting her way before have nothing on the sippy cup throwing, hand flailing, lung straining toddler I see before me. Rather than submit and crumple into a little ball and hide in fear until she moves out of the house, I've decided to take the humoristic approach. It seems to be the only thing that has gotten me through the truly deplorable parenting trenches before and I'm sure it won't be the last time it does either.

So without further ado, I give you a synopsis of Emma's tantrum on the car ride home the other night, quite possibly the perfect tantrum, set to music (had I the time I would have edited these together thus making this post a lot less interactive but certainly more to the point, as it is I hope you are able to follow along):

It all started innocently enough: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GRxofEmo3HA - play for 9 seconds

10 seconds later there is a glimmer in her eye, something diabolically evil is on the horizon: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PQVo0dk0nRM - play for 27 seconds

27 seconds later a decision has been made, she is NOT happy and guess what? I am now going to hear about it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CSvFpBOe8eY play from 2:11-2:25 over and over for about 10 minutes

after 10 minutes of very unmusical like "chop suey" there is a strange burst of laughter, possibly evil, but more methodical if you ask me: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RP4abiHdQpc play for 40 seconds

then with no warning whatsoever, we're back to: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dev2aDI_dHM yeah just play the whole thing

And then magically we are home and she's asking to see her doggies like nothing happened. That's been about 70% of our evenings together lately. Don't get me wrong I love my child more than anything (and no I do not listen to Slipknot like ever). We are still working on her sharing and acceptance of others but someone remind me again...when are the terrible twos over?


Sunday, October 20, 2013

The Awesomeness of Me

 Recently I read a blog post where a fellow mom was doing what we all do…dreading the day our kids become “too cool” for family fun activities, such as going to the pumpkin patch. I can’t even imagine that day ever manifesting but just like she mentioned, I am so awesome that my kid(s) will always want to hang out with me and engage in corny family fun activities no matter what! Just to prove it to you and conveniently list it out for them so they can show their friends the awesomeness of their mom someday, I present to you the reasons why I am awesome and my kid(s) will never want to stop hanging out with me:

-          Life of the party – Have no fear, when it comes to party planning I’ve got it down! Just check out this wicked good time we had at your first birthday… yeah that’s a plastic, colorful circus tablecloth…which I STILL HAVE! I’m sure it will be a BIG hit at your sweet 16! I can’t wait to put the goodie bags together!


 

-          Always down for a good outfit – As you can see I have a remarkable fashion sense. I will be sure to draw attention to you and your friends in any crowd. And what teenager doesn’t want that?


 

-          Have a superb taste in music – I am so totally going to be down with the latest Justin Bieber/ Backstreet Boys/ super group/ music genre. I may be in my thirties, but I can Gangnam style with the best of them. The Harlem Shake you say, no problem. Mom’s got this. Plus I kinda know Elvis, so yeah.



-          I will always be there for you – If someone challenges you to a power hour or to a wrestling match in a kiddie pool full of green jello, no problem, mommy's got your back.

Have some, it's tasty


-          Have street cred- See picture evidence below, I am rolling hard core with the homies. 'Nuf said. 


 

-          At sporting events....I TOTALLY pull off the poncho look...



-          If all else fails I’ve got the money – I SERIOUSLY doubt this will ever happen, but if for some reason all of my other awesome qualities should fail me in my quest to hang out with my kids for as long as possible, then there is always the fact that I hold the purse strings. So wait, you wanted that bedazzled jean jacket? Well I guess since I have the money I will just tag along with you and your friends to the mall! What was that you say? We should share a milkshake!!?!?! We are sooo on the same wave length! Twinsies!

To sum it up, which really there is no need to, you will be clamoring to time spent with me. You will rejoice at every outing I have planned! You will wear the matching Christmas sweaters I have knitted and you will be begging me to take you to all of your social events. And guess what....I can't wait!

Monday, October 14, 2013

The Epiphany

Truly profound moments in life seem to be few and far between. As a parent however, I find more and more "aha" moments in my day to day. Paying attention to the simple things, finding humor in the smallest situations, overcoming the last hurdle to achieving a true accomplishment, all of these have happened to me in the past year and a half. As a seeker of perfection, I am the type of person who hyper focuses on something until I get it right. When it comes to parenting, there is a never ending stream of events, milestones, and challenges that constantly inundate every moment, every thought. That's an overwhelming amount of times I need to "get it right." Every motion is to get that desired result, the successful development of a human being which is a long winded way of saying it is an exhausting, all consuming process.

Over the past year and a half I have had several moments of clarity where I have been able to piece together the full mosaic of my life, to see all of the details and know what needs to be done. Those events are a rarity and usually fleeting as new obstacles and situations arise daily. This weekend however I received a rare gift. An epiphany, a moment of clarity where I was able to really focus and see what I needed in my life. There's so much I expend energy on; my child, my husband, my family, my friends, and work. I set high expectations for myself and I push myself to the breaking point sometimes to make sure I exceed everyone's expectations, including my own (as unrealistic as they probably are.) While I stumble along trying to accomplish all of these fantastic feats, I seem to have forgotten one person who's expectations and desires no longer even register on my radar...my own.

In all honesty, in the past few months I had been existing day to day. Same routine, same activities because consistency creates order and that seems to be a necessity in my life. It also seems to be a side effect of getting older. I like having a routine, but I never wanted it to define me. I never wanted to stop living or enjoying life to the fullest. I have never been a "go through the motions" type of person but I think that between not being challenged enough at work and having a good routine down with Emma, I just sort of found myself in that situation. I was so steeped in this existence that I didn't even realize anything was missing, that is until recently. With the start of a new job, I was suddenly jolted out of that routine. Suddenly I was in a new and exciting environment surrounded with new possibilities.

One thing specifically I came to be aware of in my lackluster existence was I had stopped enjoying music. Music used to be such a big part of my life. I also had really scaled back on doing anything for myself that I used to enjoy; creating, spending time with friends, going an adventures with my husband,  overall enjoying time and space with my own thoughts that didn't involve panicking over some parental "failure." This weekend, I took the first step to making myself whole again. I hung out with friends. I went to the gym by myself and did it all at my own pace. I took my time. I enjoyed my time. Best of all, I went to the first live music performance I've been to in two years. It was glorious. It was my spark. It was the epiphany moment. I found what I didn't even realize I had been missing. I realized a part of me had shut down and I had lost the true feeling of being alive. I will never be 20 years old again. I don't have the luxury or desire to be spontaneous and carefree all the time (which got me into trouble in the past anyways.) More than ever I am aware that those days are behind me, I have responsibilities, but why can't I still enjoy life like I used to? So there I was, at a concert for a musician I had loved as a carefree 20 year old and still love just as much a decade later. His performance changed, he added a band. Of course he doesn't do a one man show any more, he's grown and thus evolved, but his music is still great. Just like I have grown, I have changed and adapted to my new environment but that doesn't mean I can't still be great; laugh at ridiculous things or dance like an idiot for no reason. This is my life and I want to enjoy it.

I've read many accounts of other mothers who have come to the realization that they lost part of who they were and without even realizing it, that was me. Now that I have found my missing pieces, I truly know what they meant. I feel alive again and I am able to take this new found wholeness and put it into everything else in my life to make it that much better. `I just need to hold onto this realization, this moment, so I wrote it down. In case I ever find myself in the same place again I can flip back here and see how I found myself. That's why this post is so honest, because I wrote it for myself and who knows, maybe it will resonate with someone else too.



Monday, October 7, 2013

Becoming a Soccer Mom: Embracing the Ultimate Cliché



Ok folks it's finally time to inject some upbeat, fun into this blog as I have been suffocating you with my downtrodden melancholy emotions of late. Debbie Downer is taking a break and I am onto my newest endeavor...becoming a soccer mom! I know I hear gasps and jaws dropping everywhere and you could all be correct in voicing your distain. I myself am still swirling the idea around in my head and it seems to be so surreal. I never thought I would become a soccer mom. Don't get me wrong, I have high hopes that any offspring I produce will enjoy extra circular activities and sports in general but there's a lot behind the whole soccer mom thing. 

When my mom friend first brought up the whole idea of enrolling our kids into a soccer class I nearly fell off my chair from laughing so hard. The idea was truly hilarious to me. Then, the crafty Pintrester in me got to thinking...puffy paint shirts, sparkly posters, a full blown snack table, and I could finally use those folding chairs we got from our wedding. I mean a real dream come true! To shed light on my back story for a moment, I played basketball for a number of years (from when I was 10 until I was in college) and my family was not a sports family. To put it into perspective, my father brought books to my games to read as he sat on the bleachers and my mom never came to a single game. I get that it wasn't there thing. So once again the theme of over compensating for my lack of support as a child has kicked into full gear and I am determined to get to as many games/ practices as I can wearing the most obnoxious outfit I can find and waving around a life sized cardboard cut out of my child (no really.) Hiring her a brass band for such occasions has also come to mind.

So, with thoughts of bullhorns and glitter dancing in my head I signed the paperwork and Saturday we found ourselves on a field with about 15 other toddlers ready to go. The thing of it was, Emma's was ready to go...as in go in any direction other than what the instructor was instructing. Keep in mind I didn't have (and now more than ever don't have) any real expectations for this whole soccer thing but I thought she might at least make it through a few of the exercises. To be fair, it was over 80 degrees out and I was there solo (hubs had to work) so I ended up running around the field for 45 minutes trying to get Emma to at least kick her ball. I mean I got her the most colorful ball I could find and still she didn't seem to interested. In all honesty, not to many of the other kids were getting into it either but it was the fist class. Looking back on the whole scene,  it was a bunch over overly excited parents running around after their toddlers so at least I was in good company. I am looking forward to next week when 1. It isn't so hot. 2. My husband will be there. He seems to be able to get Emma to focus better than I can. I tend to let her have her space and do her own thing.

So here's to next week and the possibility of getting to set up my snack tent and run to kinkos to assemble ridiculously large posters! With that I leave you with the only pictures I was able to capture while running around in the almost 90 degree weather...


Note the other kids running on the field...at least Emma enjoyed her ball sometimes...to sit on. 

Her favorite part of the day...the water breaks.

My free spirit. She then proceeded to drag the goal all over the field.
 
 
When did you first enroll your child into extra circular activities? Am I ridiculous for signing her up so early?

The 5 O'Clock Mom

I grew up in a household with two working parents. Both of them worked full days. They both worked really hard to give my siblings and I a good life. Neither of my parents had to much control over their work schedules. They worked their office hours and that was that. This meant my sister and I were always in afterschool care.

My mom probably got to us when she could, around 5:30pm or so. There were a handful of times we were the last kids there, but it was a rare occurance. Looking back it seems to me to that it probably was a good arrangement, we got extra time to hang out with kids and there was mandatory homework time which meant we were homework free once we got home, but for some reason I remember as a kid that it was terrible. For one, all of my friends from school weren't there. They got to go home as soon as that last bell rang. There was also a really negative stigma associated with having to stay afterschool, from a child's perspective. All of my friends, and pretty much every kid at school knew it was a fate worse than eating your vegetables to not be able to go home as soon as school let out. I mean I kind of get it, we'd been there all day and no matter how much I sometimes disliked being at home I was always releaved to see my mom show up. What I do remember with clear precision is that you were really, really not cool if you were the last kid there. That was the lowest of the low point as a kid, being the last kid in aftercare. Looking back again, part of this thought process probably came from the fact that a lot of kids, at my school in particular, only had one working parent as it was more common place back then. These days though a two income household is more the standard.

Fast forward to now, I have to work but, I also have the flexibility to pick my own work scheuld to a point. This has allowed me to be with Emma in the afternoons. I would get to her right after her afternoon snack time. Right on time every (almost every) day, there I was. I was probably one of the first parents there. It felt good to be able to swoop in like a super hero at 3:40pm and get her while she was still happy and energized from nap time. And I loved it.

These days it has been a bit challenging trying to get to her before 5pm. I have to transfer trains and then battle traffic to get to my kid who is cranky from hunger and way over sitting in the same room for almost 10 hours (they do get to go outside weather permitting.) I end up pulling up to the place and parking at the end of a very long line of cars of other drained parents after a long day at work eager to pick up their own cranky tikes (I've seen a few epic meltdowns coming out of that place.) It's all new and unfamiliar territory to me, but I guess it's really the norm for most parents. I was super lucky before to have the situation I did with Emma being so close. It was a great transition for me into motherhood to be able to have her pretty much right there with me. As my career grows I never want to miss out on anything she does and I will always fight for that time with her. But for now, I am gradually stepping into my new role of the 5 o'clock mom.