Where Do We Go From Here

 

I understand that moving on in this space from such a heavy topic needs some sort of transition. Yes, we are still very much missing Stanley. Just yesterday, I told Emma to get ready to walk the dogs and she said “we can walk all the dogs, except Stanley. “ Of course I burst into tears. I don’t think Emma fully understands the situation (how could she, she is only 3) since she talks about it so matter-of-factly. It might also have to do with the fact that she is sure in her little heart that Stanley is doing well wherever he is and that is a wonderful thing. As devastating as this loss was/ still is for us, we have a lot to be grateful for and happy about. Right now everyone is in good health! I don’t think I shared here but I had been on and off of antibiotics for months for various things and Emma seemed to have a cough that would never subside. I’m glad to report we left all of that behind us! Plus, Thomas started working at a new location for his job which should mean hopefully less stress and more time at home!

We will (for real this time) begin actively looking for a house and trying to grow our family over the summer. So, lots of big things happening. I feel like we are moving into a new chapter of life and I just need to finally get on the bandwagon and go. But, before we run off down this new path, we will be taking a very short sabbatical (ok sounds more mystical than the word “vacation”) to California. Originally, before tragic events, my good friend and I were planning a trip out west to revisit some of our old hang outs from the past when we lived in LA. We would have booked our trip and been done with it the week before, but both of our computers were not syncing up the flights so we decided to wait a week and do it together in person. In that time period, we lost Stanley and suddenly the vacation I was taking for some “me” time needed to be about family time. I could not leave my family behind.

 

So, here we are, all three of us (plus my wonderful best friend!) all set to go to California next month! We are even going to Disneyland for one day! I almost can’t believe it. We haven’t told Emma yet but I think we will tell her a few days before hand so she can enjoy being excited about it for a while. She doesn’t know what Disneyland is since we don’t really talk about it so I don’t know if she will fully understand when we tell her but it will still be a fun, exciting time! I am really happy to be visiting my home away from home. LA is so different from where I live now but I still feel so connected to the area. There are many things about it I miss (hello amazing weather and awesome food/ never ending list of things to do), while there is plenty I am glad to be rid of (drought, smog, wildfires, congestion). But visiting for a short time is always nice. I do plan on getting one afternoon to myself for some “me” time (I will be leaving Emma and Thomas at the beach during this time so not to worry, they will be doing ok).

 

All in all, I am really happy to get a few relaxing days away and use this time as a transition period between what was and what will be. I’m also really glad to be spending it with the people who have stood by me through some very difficult times. I think we are all ready to share in some joyful ones.