It is finally happening! I no longer have a small squishy
baby that just lays contently in her bassinet cooing and pooping. I have a
full blown, run around screaming toddler! And not just that, I have a little
girl who is on the cusp of developing and learning new things every minute of
every day. It seems to be pretty rare to just find her playing quietly in a
corner. Every little thing is new and every boundary has to be pushed and I am
trying my best to keep up. The D in this case is for the scariest part of
parenting for me…discipline. That word scares me for many deeply complex
reasons, many of which stem from my own sheltered childhood, which I will not
be getting into here (sorry you will have to wait for my memoir).
I can say that I do know what it is like to come from a
strict household. As such, I was hoping to exhibit patience and have a little
give and take, a little wiggle room if you will when it comes to disciplining
my own children (ok ok I was secretly hoping my husband would take over in this
department and I could be the laid back mom sitting on her lawn chair sipping
her mint julep, you know the “cool mom”). I can see now that that will not be
an option. For one, my husband works over 50 hours a week so he is not home
enough and it seems that Emma keeps getting into situations that require me to
say something or take action because they could cause serious harm to herself
or others. The problem is she is still so young that I wonder if explaining the
same thing over and over to her really does anything.
I sort of employ the one two three method of discipline
right now. One, use my words to explain to her what she is doing wrong and let
her know it is not good for her (I try to offer up specifics ie. you cannot
open and close your dresser drawers because you will smash your fingers in
them), two I usually repeat number one and take some sort of action, ie. move
her hand out of the way, and then finally I give up and take her out of the
situation all together. This usually ends up in a fall to the ground crying
tantrum which seems to be happening more and more these days. I realize that I
have to step up into this disciplinary role for her safety as well as the
safety of others but it is really no fun when you tell your kid they can no
longer get on the chair (which was giving them great joy) because they kept
trying to jump off it and then they have the enviable, mommy hates me and is no
fun and no body loves me melt down.
It looks like this will be our charted path for a while
until she learns what personal space is (yes I have the kid that likes to touch
other kids) or learns how to land on her feet after a free fall. The problem is…well
me of course. I know children need boundaries and all but I want my children to
be close with me and trust me and know they can come to me for anything. I
don’t want them thinking oh there’s my wet blanket mother who never lets me do
anything fun. I really hope to balance fun, safety, and adventure if at all
possible. It’s tough having a little one who is still trying to understand
language much less the behavior constructs of society, but we are working on
it.
I also harbor fears because both her father and I are very
stubborn, determined individuals, which is great when you are trying to
accomplish an impossible task, but detrimental if you need to follow pesky rules or conform to something you don’t agree with that’s
the social norm. I know it is hard to fit into the mold sometimes but I am
going to do my best to let her express herself while learning what acceptable
behavior is.
For now, I am doing my best to accept the challenging times ahead
of me. After working for 7 years in retail I have the amazing ability to conjure
up patience with people in the most frustrating of situations. I am trying to
apply that knowledge to raising a toddler, so far my success rate has been
about 50/50. With every scream and every teardrop I am getting closer to
understanding and reacting in a calm, nurturing manner and that’s the best I
can do for now.
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