The Forefront of Everything

Another summer weekend has come and gone. This was another special 4 day weekend that I was fortunate to have with Emma. We pretty much had all day Friday and Saturday to ourselves and while I experienced a few moments of frustration (because I was with a moody toddler), I really enjoyed the majority of our time together. This brings me back to the ever troubling feeling, the longing in my soul to be a SAHM. I think the warm weather definitely has something to do with it as I did not nearly have this strong of a desire over the winter months (also I was home a lot anyway with a sick baby).  I am very much a get up and go type of person so having warm weather and a person to share it with is the best. Of course Monday came and my magic spell was broken and the reality of trying to support my family has come steamrolling back into view.

It’s still a new sensation to me (being a working mom) and I am still struggling to cope with it. I haven’t felt the urge to stay home so strongly since I first put Emma into daycare about a year ago. I had such bad anxiety then that I pretty much didn’t eat for a week straight and I would go down to see her at daycare at least twice a day. I have thankfully made it past that terrible panicky feeling of a year ago and am left more with a dull aching feeling. It’s more of a small emptiness that lingers within my day to day existence. I am keeping the feeling at bay knowing we have a week’s vacation coming up and I have one more long holiday weekend with her. I am also trying to keep my focus on finally reaching that next career milestone. Another reason I have lost steam on this blog (but not love for it!) is awhile back I made the conscious decision to put all of my efforts into moving my professional career forward. I had at one time thought I would focus more on marketing this blog and developing my product endorsement skills, but after some meditation on it I have come to the conclusion that this space is for documenting my motherhood journey and connecting with others, as well as to have a creative outlet. In that regard, I have come up with a topic for a possible book or short story and I am going back and forth in my head on how to flesh it out. You see, I have been a writer my whole life. I have stories written from when I was 10 years old (I actually wrote a book series back then if you can believe it- in a notebook, not published) and with the birth of my child I have found my written voice again. I am hoping to muster up the courage and sanity to bring something substantial together and submit it for publication. We shall see. 

I guess this is sort of everything that has been currently swirling around in my head; missed moments and career aspirations. The struggle for balancing motherhood is always at the forefront of everything in my life. Sometimes it’s hard to suppress the wounds of the balancing battle so I had to share them this time. Until next time…

What’s that you say? You want a look at our fabulous 4 day weekend because this post needs a pick me up from all my wah wah….well ok…since you insist!

Pics from this weekend: 

We start off on Wednesday, Emma was festive and excited for her 4th of July celebration at daycare!

Then came the 4th of July! We went to hang out with some friends for a bbq and some kiddie pool fun!!

This little girl looooves watermelon! This was her third piece. I love how she is holding onto it for dear life!

 

Loved this dress! 

  

After passing out for the night from all of her pool fun, mommy and daddy shared some adult time and enjoyed out stress free fireworks viewing from in between the trees in the backyard. They looked a lot better than this, my phone did not do them justice.

 The came Friday, my extra day off. I took Emma on a trip down memory lane, we went for a walk on the path I used to take her a year ago when she was just a few months old, when I wanted to get out of the house. This time though she was pointing and checking out all of the amazing nature around her!

Then Saturday we celebrated her uncle's birthday. I tried to style her hair for the occasion but it didn't go to well. 

Then came lazy Sunday. We indulged in some more pool time and hose fun. We ended with a trip back to the creek with daddy in tow! All in all it was a great four days. It was hard going back to work today.