I am doing this new thing where I throw all caution to the
wind. You see I came to the realization that I was boxed in; or rather I had
boxed myself in. After a long and difficult summer and generally living a life
where I am always waiting for the other shoe to drop, I seem to have slowly
started shutting off my ability to accept and even seek out happiness. I’m a
hard person to crack a smile to begin with but nothing this summer was
penetrating my foreboding existence. This summer delivered quite a blow and the
devastation just keeps on coming.
I wasn’t able to share this earlier, but a lot of what caused
my summer gloom and doom was financial loss. Here we were, set to take on the
world, ready to buy a house and even dive into the early stages of planning to
expand our family and suddenly we were hit with a major financial blow. It is
very complicated and I really don’t want to hash out all of the grim details
here, not to mention the long, complicated process is not over. I potentially
have months of waiting and fighting and misery ahead of me.
After a few months of embracing the lowest of lows, I am
ready to soar the highest of highs! This is my life damn it! I will not sit idly
by and let the universe crush my dreams. I’m not new to the whole “bust my ass
to get what I deserve” thing. So, I’m taking on extra work where I can (hey if
you’re looking for some of my Pearly Words I am available for hire as a
part-time writer/ editor!) More importantly, my family will be moving forward
with the plans we had before the devastating news. We are going to hopefully
find a house and possibly even look to expand! Yes, the struggle will be super
real, in fact we will have to work like we’re in our 20s again but those were
some of my best times.
More importantly from all of this, I am embracing the
smallest bits of happiness I find. Suddenly events and announcements that
seemed totally lackluster are exciting and full of possibility! I’m even letting
myself laugh at those dry jokes on tv and avidly seeking out any small form of joy I can. I am loving
and laughing and living my life. I want my life lived to be spectacular. Thank
you for the inspiration Robin.
If you would like me to sum this up in musical form, here you go.
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