It seems like not too long ago, I was trapped in the evil throngs of mom guilt. I could barely step away from my child without freaking out and feeling like a total failure, an abandoner if you will. Mommy’s not here, she left you in the big bad world! Now to be fair to myself, when Emma was little and more needy, it was perfectly natural to want to be with her and feel guilty for leaving her every now and then, but even in those early moments, me time was desperately needed. A shower, an occasional uninterrupted meal, an afternoon of shopping…yeah that all happened. I barely let it happen but, it did.
Fast forward to this past weekend, I finally felt a little pang of guilt for the first time in forever. I spent almost an entire Sunday away from Emma. There was movement on the baby front (yippie for new mommies!) so I was at the hospital proudly working auntie duty and I missed a fun activity with my family. I was only away from them for a few hours but still…I missed them. I try to spend as much weekend time as I can with them because as a working mom, that’s all that I have. Except, lately, the hubs has been getting off work earlier and I have been enjoying our summer afternoons together! I know it is a rare and precious thing when all of us are home together by 4:30pm every day. I know it won’t be like that forever but I’m thinking this extra time together coupled with Emma’s growing independence has me feeling less guilty about leaving to do other things. Leaving the house at nap time to enjoy two hours of blissful, quiet shopping is a regular thing now. Dropping Emma off at Nana’s while I hobble around a concert venue for hours is no big deal.
I’m evolving as she evolves and I think we are doing a good job of working out our own needs. Sometimes she holds onto me at daycare drop off, and sometimes I reach for her as she runs at full speed away from me toward the bin of trucks. Either way, I love our new, relaxed, easy going relationship. No one deserves the mom guilt! And even though I feel like I have nearly conquered the beast, I find myself some days during lunch time at work, staring out the window, looking at the playground, wishing I could be out there with her as she laughs and plays. I guess no matter what, all moms always want to be there with their kids.We don't want to miss a moment.