Tuesday, March 28, 2017

Moving Faster

Just as the world is ever moving on its axis, so too I find, is the journey of parenthood. Just when a routine is established, or a behavior formed, there seems to be something else that pops up around the corner. Part of this has to do with the new house. The new space allows for Emma to have freedoms she did not before. For one, she has an entire playroom to herself. The intention was to find her a space where she could be independently creative but that new independence is what is pulling at my mommy heart strings. The other day, she needed to open her squeeze yogurt and she nonchalantly shuffled past me to the kitchen drawer, pulled out the safety scissors, and gingerly cut the top off of it over the trash can like a well-mannered lady of the house. I kind of just stood there while this unfolded, my head cocked to the side, wondering what the next development will be…(I’m routing for independently taking out the trash but baby steps).

The other new development is we have a next door neighbor who is Emma’s age. They pretty much have made their own neighborhood coalition and good luck to you if you want to hang out because you are an old, washed up adult. Don’t get me wrong, I am happy for both of them. To have a built in friend next door is a rare and amazing thing, and at first, I was happy Emma, an only child finally had someone her own age around all the time. But I found myself wanting to spend what little time I have on the weekends with her and well…there she was…occupied with her new friend. I suddenly saw my future flash before my eyes and my little girl is a teenager and doesn’t want to hang out with her mom anymore…not that that would happen because everyone knows I’m not a regular mom…I’m a cool mom…right?

I guess what I am trying to say is that this is one of those parts of parenting they don’t really prepare you for even though yes, the whole point of parenthood is to raise independent, self-confident children…but really is that what we are going for here? I guess…I suppose so.

The other day on one of our long commutes, Emma asked me if we could go faster then I explained we couldn't because there was traffic and she asked why we always have to ride in the car so long and I explained that we did not live near school any more. Then she said she hoped school would hurry up and finish so she could go to her new school near our house and I told her that she should try to enjoy life as it comes because she would never be in pre-school again (too ominous?) and just be happy with her teacher and friends now. Basically, for her not to wish for everything to move so fast. I know it's hard to explain it to a child but I want to be able to let her in on that little fact. I don't want her to be like me and figure out that wishing things would move faster suddenly got me into my early thirties wondering how the heck time slipped away so quickly. I guess it's one of those life lessons you figure out as you go along.

Overall, I do want Emma to be able to establish and maintain solid friendships throughout life. I keep trying to teach Emma empathy and understanding that others have feelings. I do this not just for the benefit of the other kids but also for the benefit of Emma. I keep trying to explain to her that friends are important, especially for her since she might end up being an only child. She needs to have the kid of friendships that are built on give and take, not take and take. So as much as I would love to always have her to myself, I am slowly working on letting go.



Some other thoughts:

I do apologize for not posting my usual end of year recap for 2016. I feel terrible I never got a Halloween post up either. I’m not going to beat myself up too much about it, we were in the thick of a huge life transition so there’s that. What I can tell you is this year, I am choosing to focus a lot more on myself and my relationships with others. I am actively reaching out to hang out with friends, make plans with the hubs, and be mindful of the things that make me feel like a whole person while I have the opportunity to now. I already started by writing a children's book which I am in the early stages of self publishing, and a semi-successful fanfic which is why I ignored this space for so long. I have begun writing another fiction story, already planning on going to at least two concerts, possibly a third out of state, and a big, little family vacation (big adventure, short timeframe/ small budget). I also figure with the current state of things in the world, if things go south, I will have spent these last few months really living. I’m so grateful I have the opportunity to do it and share in the experiences with my family, that is if I can get my four year old to pay attention to me!

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