The Awkward Mom

I know at least some of you have been there, it’s 6:30am, the coffee pot is gurgling, the dogs are restless for their breakfast, and your toddler’s hair resembles the rat king’s lair. It’s like cribs, rat addition and you could swear you see pizza rat’s pizza in there, fresh with subway grime. After dealing with that situation and trying to throw together some semblance of a healthy lunch you swore you would make the night before, naturally, you get excited when you are ready to head out the door on time. With one fuzzy foot out the door you suddenly realize…you’re still wearing your house slippers.

That is pretty much me the two days a week I take my daughter to school. I foolishly forget that everything takes twice as long in the morning and end up waiting until the last minute to fix her lunch and her hair and make sure she has underwear on (that’s a whole other story.) The last thing I think about is my own appearance. I mean it’s almost a cruel joke that I get to work from home and spend two glorious days looking like a homeless (yet comfortable) bag lady from the  “people of Walmart” site only to have it taken away by a 5 minute public appearance I make at preschool drop off.

There are mornings where I say “f” it and roll up hard core in baggy sweat pants (usually the ones without holes) and whatever wrinkled shirt I can find (or slept in the night before, let’s be honest). But every now and again I do run into other parents at the school and every time I go in looking particularly rough I do get the side eye from the teachers. So in a desperate need to not be shunned by society or give my kid the bad name of “one who has the slob for a mom”, I went to the store to find some respectable, casual, mom clothes.

Before you think I’m a heathen, I do own nicer, casual clothes, just not many (in fact my entire wardrobe is very minimalist these days or should I say has been for the past few years.) Anyways, I marched into the store determined and could not for the life of me figure out what a decent, standard mother would wear. I’ve seen tons of mom blog posts explaining what the “perfect mom” outfit is but I just can’t accept anything that is not comfortable to wear. So after much indecisive thought, I came out with two polo shirts and some flesh colored capris that I didn’t really like. POLO SHIRTS people! Like I’m Miffy about to meet Scott on his Yacht. Nope. Since then I have managed to pull together a few looks that say “I’m not trying to offend your eyes today” every now and then. I am really just hoping people see me as a competent and loving mother.

So far, I seem to have been accepted into the group of mom’s in Emma’s preschool class. They all know each other already being from the same neighborhood and having their kids start together in the 2 year old program (Emma started late, after Christmas.)  I really want to feel like part of the gang but I’ve never done this mommy friend thing before. It’s kinda nerve wracking. I guess maybe I’m trying to get too much out of it. I can’t expect to make best friends but I do want someone to commiserate with over the cranky no nap days and the dreaded sandbox shoes. I just need to work on my conversation skills I guess. It’s crazy after reading this blog you’d think I have enough wit to unload some funny wine jokes or come up with an attention grabbing discussion about the coveted Paw Patrol light up shoes all the kids have in Emma’s class. Yet for some reason, I freeze up. Maybe I’m afraid I will say something not funny or offensive. Here I go with needed to be accepted again. Harking back to my own childhood days where I was definitely an outcast (but loved it.) It's like the recess and cafeteria rules from childhood all over again only this time I'm parading around in a Kmart polo shirt and an odd shade of khaki capris. I guess I just don’t want to be labeled the awkward mom. But really, maybe what I should do is invite all of the moms over to drink in our sweatpants. Maybe we can go wild and bond over shopping for ill fitting clothing online together. At least that keeps me out of the store and less likely to end up on any offensive websites.