Thoughts On 33

Another year has gone by for me in this human existence. Another year of hard work, love, friendships, success, and loss. Another year of learning who I am, what the world is, and how I somehow fit into it. Another year where my likes are revalidated (hello chocolate) and my dislikes deepen (misogyny). I find myself becoming more passionate and vocal about what bothers me and actually acting on it. Maybe because I am raising a tiny human who will inherit this earth from me and also because this year more so than any other, I feel like I am finally owning up to being an adult and the full weight of responsibilities that come along with it. Now of course that does not mean that my house is well put together or I can cook or I dress appropriately but looking back on this year, I have made progress in the right direction.

This year has been sort of back and forth with my blogging and writing. I still need to muster up the courage to actually submit something somewhere. I’m still hopeful to do that in the very near future. I am not posting as frequently as I would like but that usually means I'm resting or working on some other scatter brained project so, there's the secret of what I'm up to when I ignore this space. I actually have two (nonwriting) ventures I'm working on with friends so hopefully there will be some development there in the near future. I wanted to take a writing class this year too but it didn't work out. Not to say that next year it won't. I'm actually going to try to do a better job of making it happen. I am also working on developing my skills at work. Again, I wanted to take a major class associated with work but lack of funding meant that I would have to pay for it myself and I wasn't ready to commit there just yet since I wasn't sure what the return on investment might be. I find myself at this weird place in my career where I would love to take more classes/ training/ even go back for my Masters but I'm not sure any of that would propel me far forward enough to make the kind of money that would cover the cost of everything. So for now, this sits on the back burner as a "one day" dream.

The beginning of this year was sort of slow and uneventful which is the best kind of life to live in my opinion for the simple fact that the alternative can be difficult. I entered into difficult territory in the later half of the year. I have not disclosed it here but I did go through a surgery and then had a scare recently about a possible second (unrelated) surgery scenario. I have not shared my thoughts and feelings about the two events here. I know if I would it would be some of my most open and honest writing. The thing is, I’m not sure I’m ready to open up on here just yet. It is all very raw and very personal and frankly, writing about it would just stir up emotions I am trying to distance myself from right now. There is still the possibility I will need to undergo a second surgery but I am really trying to stay positive about it, especially with the holidays coming up. 

I forget on these birthday posts if I give myself goals for the following year. I don't think I'd like to hold myself accountable really (I know how adult of me) but I will say this, I am hoping to continue to take more time here and there to focus on myself and what I love. With Emma getting more and more independent, I have finally figured out a good balance for cleaning the house, planning family time, and finding time for myself. I hope to keep this up in the coming years along with continuing to work on my health and never take it for granted. Kind of a heavy birthday post but there it is. 

Hoping everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving!