A Moment for Reflection

Working, cleaning, feeding, diapering, bathing, laundry, cooking, social events, the occasional craft project, swim class, etc. … as a mom I find myself constantly spinning in many different directions all the time. I go from a savvy business woman to a boo-boo healer to a personal chef and then to a shoulder to lean on. It’s a complex web we weave as mothers. Each strand is spun with love and purpose and is important to maintaining the entire structure. In all of the chaos, it’s hard to bring your mind to a quiet place for reflection and deep thought. I am very fortunate to have found my time for reflection every day. And the best part, it is a time I share with my little one.

Every night, Emma’s bedtime routine involves eating dinner, getting a bath, putting pjs on, and getting her bedtime bottle. I give her the bottle in her room with the lights off while I rock her. She is a hyper alert child. Any sort of light shining off anything is a distraction for her, so we keep it simple and serine with the lights off. I love rocking with her in my lap and feeling her deep breathing as she falls asleep. The darkness, the quiet, and the rhythm of the rocker give me time to slowly unwind and meditate on my day. Rather than having a bunch of jumbled thoughts rolling quickly through my mind all at once (wash the bottles, pre-heat the oven, pack lunches for tomorrow - every few seconds), I am able to pick a thought out and really concentrate on it, even the simplest thing (those peaches at the market were so fresh, I need to get more next time we are there; they have show and tell tomorrow at daycare I think that picture of Emma and her grandma would be a nice item to bring). This is my form of meditation in a way. Allowing my thoughts to be complete and detailed rather than hurried; clean off baby’s face, rinse spoon, get bath started. Just the simple space and time to develop my thoughts is an amazing experience to have once a day. Sometimes I just sit there and enjoy the calm and stillness of the room.

It also is a time for snuggling and bonding with my baby. Even though she is going through a clingy phase she is still a mover and a wiggler and it is hard to enjoy the sweetness of her existence while she is plowing through a pile of toys. I think she enjoys the time too. Even though we spend a lot of one on one time together throughout the day this time is so special to me, a time really for just us. Nothing else in the world matters, all time and space is suspended. It truly is a magical time. 

A Whole New Respect

Yesterday just so happened to be a not so pleasant day weather-wise in my area. Everything ended up being delayed several hours. I normally go into work very early every day and get off earlier really to avoid traffic and all of the hullabaloo of a morning and afternoon commute, but also to be able to spend time with Emma in the afternoons. So when we were delayed several hours for weather in the morning yesterday, I figured it made more sense to work from home the rest of the day instead of schlepping back and forth for what would only be a few hours at the office.

All in all, I would only end up having to work for three hours from home, just a teeny tiny measly few hours. I thought piece of cake I can handle it with the baby. My husband had a doctor’s appointment so he would be there for part of the time and I was ready to take on anything! Looking back now … I wish I had pushed logic aside and gone in for those few hours. It was very hard to multitask with a baby. I now have a whole new respect for work at home moms.

Emma is still in her clingy phase but usually if I put her on the floor to play with her toys she amuses herself for a while. Well, that was a no go. She wanted to sit in my lap the whole time! I ended up sitting on the floor with her and my laptop to help soothe her need for my presence but this lead to another problem. She was fascinated with my typing. In fact, she was so fascinated that she just had to try it out. She started grabbing and banging and was on the verge of typing baby vulgarity to my co-workers via instant message when I got a brilliant idea! I will give her my non-work laptop turned off and let her go to town! She could type a baby novel for all I care as long as she lets me work. Well, that wasn’t even close to being an acceptable solution to her at all. She ended up slamming the screen shut every time I opened it. I even banged on the keys for her to let her know what to do and she looked at me like I was some sort of primitive animal banging on a piece of metal for no reason.

It was a struggle from beginning to end and I remember looking up at the clock at one point and seeing it was 1:25pm. I waited what seemed like a half hour only to look up at the clock saying it was 1:40pm.

Wow.

By the time 3:30pm came around I had everything ready to go to take a trip to the store to get out of the house. We were both done with the whole ordeal at that point and in need of some fresh air and different scenery. It was an amazing outing.

So for every time I have felt the mommy guilt for working out of the home and for every time I thought working at home would be easier I got a taste of what could be and you know what? Our situation now is pretty ideal for both of us. Emma gets a full day to explore and play with all of her little friends and mommy gets a day of uninterrupted work done. A real win-win if you ask me. Now that I have been through the madness, if only for a very little while, I say bravo to the mommies who can multitask and work from home.

Are you a work at home mom? Any tips for how you make it through the day? Any stories of difficult baby situations you can share?

A Surprise in My Inbox (A Rant from a Vacation Deprived Mommy)

Ok, I understand the whole point of being on a mailing list but geez!!  Sandals PLEASE take me OFF your email list!!! No I do not want to return for a fun trip, I would sleep right through the whole thing. Sorry can’t wear a bathing suit right now, or at least one that resembles anything you have in your perfectly polished resort pictures.

Yes I would love a nice spiked tropical drink and a hot stone massage but unless you are going to provide free daycare for four months so I can save up to take your “adventure of a lifetime” then I’m sorry, the picture on my cubical wall of a lone palm tree swaying in the pretend breeze on a white sand beach will have to do for now. I can ask my cube row mate Betty to blow her fan in my direction and have Bob throw a glass of water on me while he walks by to simulate the sea breeze, perhaps have the maintenance guys lower the florescent light above me to get that “glowing skin” effect but that is the closest I will be getting to your tropical island retreat.

Did you not get the memo that I gave birth mere months after my first and only hurrah on your beautiful island resort? Well yeah it happened so now I have been doomed to the island of smeared yams and poop until we can save up enough to make it to Disneyland in 5-7 years.

All in all, I have not given up on you, in fact I believe somewhere in the back of my mommy mush brain I hold hope to one day visit you again, but for now I bid you adieu. Well I would bid you adieu if I ever get up the motivation to take myself off the mailing list, yet somehow I got the motivation to type a four paragraph rant. Funny how that happens.  

This is a picture from our honeymoon in Jamaica. I will always cherish the memories. 

A Holiday for Me

This past Monday was Martin Luther King Jr. Day and for some of us lucky ones, it was a holiday, a day away from work, a day for fun and relaxation … unless you have a clingy 7 month old at home. I didn’t realize it at the time, but now that I am reflecting back on the whole thing, I haven’t had quality me time in a while. Lately with illness and family obligations, I have been almost 100% focused on my family. I am conscious of myself and my wants and needs but I sometime struggle to make time for myself. And mommy needs her me time! 

So taking all of this into consideration, it finally hit me sometime over the weekend that Monday was a  holiday, a day in which you embrace freedom, a day that was meant to be just for you. In the past for me, that meant either lazing about the house watching bad RomComs, reading,  or a day to meet up with friends. Now I have a baby to share the holiday with  it usually does not leave to much time for relaxing. We have been through other holidays before and we are always together on Saturdays while my husband works but I wanted this day off somehow to be special. My husband had to work on Monday so I knew it would be just me and Emma again, but I also knew that we were going to make it a great day. Here’s how I gave myself a holiday while still performing my mommy duties:

1.     I got my ass in gear on Saturday and managed to finish all of the laundry by mid-day Sunday. The bathroom got a scrub down, groceries were bought, and the house had been dusted and cleaned. I was all set to go for a chore free Monday.

2.     I phoned an awesome friend on Saturday to make plans for Monday. She is the type of gal who is down for anything and does not mind having to place time limits around feedings, diaper changes, and naps.

3.     I made a general plan of what I wanted to do; some thrift store shopping and a quick stop to get a fun lunch.

4.     Plan deployed! We took our time and worked around naps. Whenever Emma napped, mommy watched crappy tv! No worries about chores or time. I made myself a special hot coco and by the time my awesome friend made it over, we had finished lunch and were ready for our thrift store outing. A great time and good bargains were had by all! (I think Emma has a great future in shopping ahead of her ….or maybe just people watching.)

All in all there were some minor bumps in the road. I was exhausted by the end of the day, but I was able to get out and enjoy a day off and catch up with a friend. I still will be planning a mommy only outing at some point, but for now, I was grateful to be able to balance time between myself and the baby for one day and I look forward to many more mommy daughter outings to come! 

Any advise you have for a restful holiday with a little one? 

Rockin it from 2012

I realize that we are already several weeks into 2013 but I still feel like 2012 wasn’t so long ago right? I did not do a post on my reflections and best events from 2012 because, well I felt like they were pretty obvious, had a baby etc.  I know ho hum right? Well I did want to share some of my fond 2012 memories, more specifically, my top 10 favorite tunes that got me through such a monumental year in hopes of inspiring or scaring some of you away from here forever. (She listens to whaaaat?)

I should probably give a brief overview of the evolution of my musical existence. I suppose if you want to start early, like really early, I was a fan of your typical kiddie movie music, Care Bears and any Disney movie topped my list of music must haves. By the time middle school came around I was very much into Motown. My dad got me a mix tape (I know totally just dated myself) with a bunch of great Motown artist such as: the Temptations, Gladys Knight, and the Supremes. A solid music foundation I should say.

Then by the beginning of high school, the 90s alternative music was in.  The first cd I ever owned…Hootie and the Blowfish … yeah you didn’t see that one coming, but even to this day I still love it. Then I went through the boy band phase, most notably Hanson. By sophomore year I found myself in a little bit of a tougher group in school and I started listening exclusively to gansta rap/ hip hop. Ask me to do my Bone Thugz in Harmony rapping, yeah I was a pro.

It was pretty much a hip hop only musical palate for me until I hit college, during the infamous run of Napster. My roommate was also a musician, so this opened up a whole new world of different kinds of music; everything from System of a Down to John Mayor to George Clinton and the Funk to Nelly Furtado. The last stop on my musical journey; working in retail. After working in retail for 7 years at a store that prides itself on playing trendy music, I got hooked on all things indie. Throw in a newfound love affair with country music (yeah I know) and that’s pretty much where I am today.  Somewhere between country, bluesy, and indie funk. Ok wow I guess that was a little long winded.

So now that you understand where I have come from, here is where I am. My top 10 most inspiring songs of 2012 (in no particular order) and what they meant for me:

1. Ho Hey -Lumineers

Let me just say I was into this song before it got popular. I first heard it while I was pregnant and I was sometimes uncomfortable (yes being pregnant for me was hard, couldn't sleep/ get around well) but it helped me remember the precious gift I was working to create. We belong together and I love it.

2. Paradise – Coldplay

This song came out while I was still pregnant and I could not help but sing the song to Emma. It is a great song to prepare you for life and all of the challenges to come and I was grateful for opportunity to get to share such a great song with her. Thanks Coldplay J

3. Crazy Girl – Eli Young Band  

Yes this song is 100% country no getting around it, but there is something sweet and powerful about it that grabs me. It also came in really handy one time when Emma was crying her eyes out for seemingly no reason. I danced and sang this song to her and it calmed her down. My crazy girl. 

4. Springsteen – Eric Church

Another country song, this is different from any other song I have ever heard. The mix of piano and his voice are just magic to me. It was also the song I would listen to a lot while dropping Emma off at daycare in the very beginning so whenever I hear it now, I get a bittersweet feeing of letting go.

5. Helena Beat – Foster the People

Hate to say it since the song is about drug use, but man it’s got such a happy toe -tapping beat. This was my number one song to fold laundry to. 

6. Gold on the Ceiling – Black Keys

This song is obviously a great piece of work. The Black Keys are an awesome band in their own right, the Stones of our generation dare I say. Once again, there was a day when Emma wasn’t too happy. We put this on and my husband and I danced around like total goofs. She was smiling and laughing in no time. Even kids know good music when they hear it.

7. Shake it Out- Florence and the Machine

Amazing piece of music and a great song to get you motivated to do anything, we’re talking even being happy to eat your veggies

8. Some Nights – Fun

Another band I was into before they got big, but this song is another get up and move song. It’s also a self -discovery song, which fit in for me in 2012 as I was working on figuring out who I was as a mother and what I felt was important for my child.

9. Tornado – Little Big Town 

Spunky and empowering … my inner bad ass loves it!

10. Meet Me on the Equinox – Death Cab for Cutie

Ok I know this song is not from 2012 but it was the year I discovered Death Cab for Cutie and my ears will never be the same! This song somehow brought me comfort during my unsure times.  If I needed an emo moment this was my go to song.

It's truly amazing to me how music stays with you and a song can capture a moment and allow you to relive it over and over again. Through these songs I get to relive my 2012, the year I became a mom. I guess I always thought that once you have a kid you are doomed to Barney and The Wiggles for years to come, so I am glad to get a moment to reflect on music I love that for the most part, I can enjoy with my child, cause who says mom’s and kids can’t rock? 

What was your jam from 2012? Any songs you shared with your littles? 

How I turned an Adult Beverage Center into a Play Space

 If you recall from my previous blog:

http://kathrynpattersonblogworld.blogspot.com/2012/12/its-two-days-after-christmas-and-my.html

I set out on a mission to construct the most magnificent play space EVER (and I gave myself a one month time line to do so).  The plan was to move out our old bar (aka: adult beverage center) to make a place space for Emma. Something she could call her own while giving mommy and daddy the living room back. Since we were losing half of our dining room and a coveted place to throw our junk mail and other knick knacks, I wanted to make sure we really kicked it up a notch to construct an awesome area for our little one. Well, sickness and after holiday financial strain set in and we were not able to put together quit the extravagant space I had in mind, but we did manage to rework the entire dining room to keep it functional for eating, crafting, and of course playing. Here is our journey from start to finish:

                                       

The after holiday chaos:  Actually it was orderly chaos since we left everything in the boxes for almost an entire week after Christmas due to severe illness. Luckily Emma is still young enough that she did not miss any of her new toys yet. (The bar is there, buried under boxes and stockings.

Getting there:  We made progress on unloading/ putting together all of her new toys. Daddy sure had fun J

The Final Result....What mommy wanted to do: go out and buy colorful foam floor tiles, open toy storage baskets, and inspirational wall decals. What mommy did: throw down a rug and quilt and place toys on top of the quilt.

For right now, Emma is loving the new set up. It gives her space to move around and there are a plethora of things she can use to pull up on (her new favorite past time).  The dining room even feels more open and airy thanks to getting rid of a piece of big, bulky furniture. Later on down the line we will definitely freshen up the space with some fun wall art and more interactive storage but for now, I don’t even miss the old bar. 

Getting to Meet Great Grandma

I am in awe of my husband’s grandmother. She is truly a renaissance woman. Very spunky, no nonsense, sharp as a tack and tells it like it is. If we had grown up in the same generation, we would have been friends I am sure. As it is we do correspond occasionally through snail mail, email, and over the phone. Which reminds me, I had to chuckle to myself when she pulled out her iPhone at dinner and started snapping pictures of Emma like an old pro. I was waiting for her to upload them to Facebook and tweet, “chillin with the fam yo.” But anyways…

Of course her being a retired Floridian with a zest for life, she does not have to worry about curfews or bedtimes or baby melt downs or working  a full day and coming home to clean or anything at all like that. So naturally I was a little hesitant when she requested our presence at a weekday dinner!  I knew it was not going to be easy. I also knew that she is rarely up from Florida and even having a vivacious love of life, with great grandmothers you never know when you will get to see them.  So, reluctantly I gave in and told my husband we would go to dinner on a Tuesday night with grandma.  And boy did I regret it…in the beginning at least.

It was a cold, rainy night. Dinner was scheduled for 5:30pm  (a half hour prior to bed time) and Emma and I usually make it to the homestead around 4-4:15pm on any given day, which left an awkward amount of time between going home and having to leave for dinner. So I let Emma play while I grabbed everything we would need to make it through a dinner at a restaurant. I should probably back track a little bit and mention that Emma is in a new phase where when we get home she does not want to leave my side until she falls asleep. If mommy has to go potty or do anything else that requires her to be kid free, a full on meltdown ensues. Fast forward to our outing and after playing for about a half hour, it was time to pack up the car and go, but leaving home meant not being attached to mommy during the car ride. The restaurant location was picked in close proximity to my husband’s job so he would not have to leave work early, which made logical sense at the time. However I quickly found out that anything that logistically makes sense for us adults does not work for the baby (oooh rookie move.)

 

As soon as I put Emma in the car seat, she erupted into an “I need mommy” meltdown which lasted nearly an entire hour on the way to the restaurant.  I had already managed to have a headache from a rougher than normal work day and now I was being treated to the tantrum that would never end. Of course I felt an extreme amount of guilt. What was I thinking taking Emma away from her serine night time routine? What kind of a mother am I driving almost an hour away when my kid needs me now? Well, needless to say, I had a “mommy meltdown” by the time we got to the restaurant. Luckily, my husband is an expert at calming me down (he has only had to do it a few times before J ) and the baby too.

All in all, I am glad we had the opportunity to visit with Emma’s great grandma. My favorite part of the night? When my husband says “Oh, I forgot there is a (fill in restaurant chain name here) 5 minutes away from the house. We could have gone there instead.”  Gotta love those logistics. 

Hello and Welcome!

Welcome to Pearly Words of Chaos, my life, my adventures as a new mom of a beautiful and spunky baby girl, four energetic and loving dogs, wife to a very patient husband, and career woman. I have started a new blog here because my old blog malfunctioned. You can read my previous adventures at: 

http://kathrynpattersonblogworld.blogspot.com/

You can also follow me on Twitter @pearlywordsofch and Instagram @pearlywordsofchaos. I look forward to hearing from you and sharing some laughs and what I learn along the way.