Sciatica and Dave Mathews

Looking back on my last few posts my mommy blog seems to have turned into a woe is me blog, which isn't very fun or even the point of this space. I was going to just pop up with a post on our summer vacation which was weeks ago but I figured that would feel a little manic so I decided to give an account of what's been going on and then get back to more feel good writing because we are not all doom and gloom around here anymore, at least we are moving out of that arena.

So 4th of July weekend I made a decision. It was not huge, not momentous in anyway, in fact it was one of those decisions that you probably make everyday and then forget about. Like what should I drink or what color shirt should I wear? Simple, mundane if you will. So insignificant that you don't even remember doing it days later, days later say when your back starts hurting. My simple decision; sliding down a water slide with Emma. Days later came the pain. Weeks later came a bunch of doctor's trips, anti-inflammatory medication (the kind you see in commercials for seniors), and a full physical therapy schedule. Today I finally made it through the entire day with only dull pain. I have sciatica, google it if you would like I'll still be here, what with my limited mobility and all. If you would now allow me to pull out the violins for a moment, this has been some of the most frustrating pain ever. Days would go by where I would wonder if I would be able to fully functional again, if I would be able to resume rigorous workouts or even just perform everyday tasks. I haven't slept through the night for over a week. I leaned on my husband a lot and he has been very supportive, but as an independent person I just found it hard allowing someone else to do everything. The worst part has been my interactions with Emma. She wants to be picked up and held and I used to stand up and rock her to sleep by her crib every night and right now those things are gone and it is very upsetting. But fingers crossed things are looking up. I'm even fantasizing about sleeping through the night tonight! 

And here in the grand scheme of things, in the vast day to day moments that make up life, this will (hopefully) be just a blip on the radar, barely recognizable in the rear-view mirror. But right now it fills up every bit of my life space. Not being able to perform routine tasks as a mom or even as a human being has been mentally traumatizing. Tomorrow it will be old news but for now, not being able to pick up my kid or make dinner without being hunched over is depressing.

So in the middle of all of this was a planed concert. We bought tickets to see Dave Mathews months ago and splurged on pavilion seats, not cheap. I rarely go to big concerts but this was a bucket list thing for my husband and I. Yes, I know I should have seen DMB eleventy-billion years ago but I am so glad I finally did. I fit right in too with my condition. My husband had to hold me up to walk the long distance around the venue so I looked like a regular old concert drunk. Little did anyone know I was really a crippled, aging bag of bones raging on, for all intents and purposes, arthritis medication. Overall, it was an amazing show that once again reminded me of how live music fills a void and reignites passion in me. So here I am writing, hoping to continue to share my stories with you.

No matter what I write about on here, the good and the bad, I want to capture it all so that my kid(s?) can see how I coped with certain situations and that not everything is sunshine and rainbows but when it is, remember to hold on tight because nothing is guaranteed so cherish any moment of happiness, from the smallest laugh to the greatest success and everything in between. And always make sure to see the live show.