Then and Now Part Two

Yes folks it's back! I have created a follow up to my previous list of then vs now: the comings and goings of my life as a mommy vs my carefree childless days. My new list explores the comings and goings of life with a baby vs life with a toddler. (Some scenarios might be slightly over dramatized.) So for all of my new mommy friends, in order to prepare you for what is to come and to remind myself how life used to be, I give you then vs now: baby vs toddler edition!

Leaving the house then:

Place clothing on baby and load slumbering baby in easy to carry car seat. Throw light as air diaper bag over your shoulder and head out the door.

 

 Leaving the house now:

 

Fight over the importance of wearing a jacket when it's raining out and explain that the doggies cannot come with us to the grocery store because they will eat all of the food on the shelves. After 15 minutes of back and forth on the jacket and the misfortune of the doggies having to stay home, grab child-sized backpack with crackers, fruit snacks, apples slices, raisins, and grapes. Realize after you get on the highway that your toddler wants blueberries not grapes you inconsiderate fool.

Going to the park then:

Walk at a relaxing pace with baby in car seat/ stroller attachment. Place baby in a swing and you are met with sounds of glee.

Going to the park now:

Sustain incessant wave of "are we there yets" and "I'm hungrys" until you get to the playground where your toddler will refuse to do anything but go on the slide meant for 12 year olds or throw wood chips dangerously close to innocent eyelids or proceed to set up a dictatorship to decide who gets to ride on the merry-go-round.

Feeding then:

Smash up any fruit or vegetable of your choice and watch as your baby happily ingests their nutrition.

 Feeding now:

Anything that is not a carb or bread like substance is the devil and must be eliminated by throwing it to the dogs or spitting it out on the floor. Vegetables are greeted as if they are nuclear remnants from a reactor explosion.

Dressing them then:

Wrap baby in the folds of a cute onesie and they are good to go.

Dressing them now:

Don't even THINK about that thermal with the hearts on it or those grey sneakers because those will be met with rejection (read: 20 minute tantrum). My advise, set out the opposite outfit you want them to wear in hopes that they will rummage through and pick out the outfit you DO want them to wear.
 

Changing situations then:

Show your baby a new toy or shiny object and they will forget about what they should not have.

Changing situations now:

Those scissors were OBVIOUSLY within reach on the far side of the table so OBVIOUSLY the toddler knows they were meant to have them. No shiny object, not even the glisten of fruit snacks will distract them from their new best friend Mr. Scissors and you are the wretched soul that tore them apart which shall NEVER be forgotten.

Bedtime then:

Rock your sweet baby to sleep within 30 blissful minutes.

Bedtime now:

If you make it past bath time, teeth brushing, and pj selection, place toddler in bed and gently remind them they cannot go to sleep with every book in the house. Spend an ungodly amount of time whittling down the bed library to two books and quickly head for the door before the dreaded words leave their lips "I need water."