Tasting Defeat

I am not sure if you have caught onto this, but on more than one occasion on this blog I have eluded to the fact that I am a terrible cook. I would not say terrible like I used to be (as in I did not cook at all or I burned something during almost every attempt. At one point I went for over a year without a stove or full size oven, yeah I know some of your jaws just hit the floor. ) I mean terrible as in I do not have time, energy, patience, or the knack for making it through any mildly complicated recipes, and by mildly complicated I mean 4 ingredients or more. My problem, from what I have gathered, is really twofold:

   1.     Our kitchen is TINY which leaves little room for prep space, therefore anything that needs to be chopped, diced, or just broken apart requires too much effort.  Not to mention the lack of counter space leaves little room for any cooking aids (like a mixer or crockpot)

    2.     Time is not on my side. Any recipe that requires more than a few things means that most likely I do not already have them in my house, which means I need to make sure they are on my grocery list and that I have funds to splurge on 10 exotic ingredients. So already that’s time to make sure I get them on the grocery list, money to buy the extra items, and then the time it takes me in the grocery store to hunt them all down, not to mention the time it will take to do all of the prep with the time consuming ingredients!

I’m not knocking cooking at all, in fact I wish I had spent more of my mid-twenties perfecting my cooking technique so that maybe I would already have certain spices and odds and ends on hand. I just feel bad I guess because my daughter is getting more and more into eating solid foods and I want to be able to provide a variety of dishes to her and also show support to all of the food bloggers out there! It seems like everyone has an awesome recipe that I would really like to try but for some reason when I go to make it, my body gets caught in quicksand and I can’t make anything different than I already do. I’m like a boomerang, I take flight and it looks like I’m headed for new adventures but then somewhere along the line I end up propelling myself back to my old ways.

I do my best to add variety to our various meals but in all honesty, if I am being COMPLETELY honest, what I normally do is throw whatever seasonings we have in the cupboard onto whatever meat we have and throw it in the oven. Then I steam some veggies and literally that’s it. No mixing, no checking, no cooling and reheating, just heat and eat. That is all I can manage during the week and sometimes even on weekends. In my mind I have sort of tried to mentally prepare myself to do a cooking marathon in which I cook a bunch of food on Sunday for the week so I can make a variety of food. That for me is a huge commitment, one I know I will not be able to make every Sunday. So, I’m turning to you. How do you prep/ prepare your meals?

Is there a website you recommend for VERY easy prep/ quick meals? Any help would be greatly appreciated!

Thanking a Village

It is definitely true; it takes a village to raise a child. In certain ways you cannot prevent "the village" from raising your child because you cannot filter everything they come in contact with 100% of the time and honestly different perspectives of the world help enrich children and bring depth to their character (at least in my opinion). With that I wanted to take a moment to thank all of the positive influencers, the villagers that have encouraged Emma during her first year:

Her Dad:

A wonderful supportive man who isn’t afraid to act silly or change unsettling diapers! Emma is lucky to have an awesome daddy.

Her Nana:

Even though my mom and I do not see eye to eye on some things, my mom has proven to be very supportive and an energetic play companion for Emma. She is always there to remind Emma of her manners and how dressing up makes you feel special, no matter what the occasion.

Her Aunt:

A woman who leads a very healthy life style, Emma is lucky to have her Aunt Julia to teach her how to cook healthfully(mommy is cooking inept). Her aunt is in the process of becoming an English teacher so she will also be able to help Emma keep her grammar in check as well.

Her Granddad and Uncle:

My dad and my brother are silly goofs! These two are amazing photographers and are always teaching Emma how to appreciate the wonder in the small things.

Her Cousins:

As our first, Emma does not have any siblings at the moment, so she looks up to her cousins and enjoys spending time playing with them. Along with her daycare buddies, her cousins teach her about sharing and working together.

Her Daycare Caregiver:

Ms. Aisha is Emma’s primary caregiver at daycare. She is very support of Emma’s development and a sweet nurturing woman. I was shocked to find out she doesn’t have any kids because she has such natural mothering instincts. From crafts, to walking, to sign language, Emma’s world is forever a better place for having her in it.

Her Godparents Nick and Vera:

Our best friends, Nick and Vera are fellow dog lovers, full of life, intelligent, and exude amazing positivity. Vera is my female soul mate and shares a lot of the same quirky traits that I do. We often talk to each other in Swedish milk maid voices and are always covered in dog hair. They will teach Emma to not take life to seriously.  Vera, a theater buff will teach Emma to appreciate the arts and Nick, an architect, will teach her how to point out the different between art deco and art nouveau in any structure she sees.

Her Pediatrician:

Doctor Burns has seen Emma since she was first born and for what seems like almost every other week since. We are forever in debt to her patience and thoroughness. She will teach Emma how to stay healthy and live well.

Her Internet Mamas/ My Mom Guru Friends:

It’s no secret I turn to the internet for advice from other moms. I also tap into my network of mom friends to help me out. It helps me as a mother to learn from them and lean on them so I can strengthen myself to be the best mom for Emma.

Sesame Street:

This is one of the very few shows we let Emma watch that she actually likes. She is very selective with what she will give her attention to on tv. We only let her watch tv on weekend mornings and when she is sick. I feel good knowing that she will learn and grow with quality children’s programing. (A little secret, mommy enjoys watching it too.)

Who is in your child’s village? Who do you lean on for support to raise your child?

My Momentary Beef with Toys R Us, a Movie, First World Problems, and the Real Reason for My Birthday Planning Obsession

If you have been following along here (or on twitter) you might have noticed a few teeny tiny mentions of my daughter’s first birthday, which… ok isn’t until June.  I somehow can’t seem to shake my desire to throw confetti and sparkles all over the place in anticipation of Emma’s first. So, after some deep meditation and thought I have finally psychologically dissected the reasoning behind my birthday planning obsession and it took a first world problem for me to figure it out.

I should back track a little bit to explain my day yesterday. It was your typical Sunday; laundry and grocery shopping and oh yeah me OBSESSING over finding a kiddie tent. Yes, A. Kiddie. Tent. So you see last week I had been doing some non-type A /borderline crazy, two and a half month ahead of time birthday shopping for Emma when I stumbled upon the idea to get a play tent for her first birthday. It would be cheaper and easier to handle than a big bulky playhouse and my sister and I had a tent when we were growing up and loved it. I have very fond memories of our plastic little tent house to this day. I did some searches and found one on the Toys R Us site, on sale! Not only was it on sale, the majority of the reviews sang its praises! There were even several posts on there that said it made a great gift for one year olds! I was sold! I noticed however, peculiarly on the side of the website page, that it listed the item as only available in stores, which to me is odd for this day in age because usually if you see it on the internet, it is available to PURCHASE on the internet. Anyways, no big deal, I would head over to the store the next day. I almost called to make sure that they had it ahead of time but I had just called Michael’s the day before to see if they still had the decorations I liked and they said they were sold out, only for me to go into the store later on anyway to find that LOW and BEHOLD there were shelves full of said decorations. Hmmm. So needless to say my trust in retail say-so was at an all-time low.

Anyways, we headed off to the store and here I am the giddiest of all. We get there and end up searching in every corner of the store for my prized tent to no avail. My giddiness quickly turned to major disappointment. I looked as long as I could, hoping that the tent would just magically appear in the center of the store with a giant glowing arrow with my name on it. Finally, out of desperation to not walk down the Barbie isle for the third time, my husband broke down and asked someone who confirmed my fears… that my precious tent was nowhere to be found in the store. Naturally the only thing left to do was come close to throwing a mommy tantrum but I figured since we were in Toys R Us, a location that is hyper sensitive to tantrums, that if I threw mine it would ignite a chain reaction of horrible tantrums throughout the store, which could eventually come full circle to my child. I held myself together but, when we got home I called their customer service to find out that only a handful of stores in the country carried the tent. Thus my hopes were dashed and I felt like a failure as a fun awesome birthday planning mom. What’s worse, I spent hours later on in the day searching for another tent that was the equivalent of the first one, but of course nothing compared.

Fast forward to last night, my husband had been dying to see Zero Dark Thirty and since we never get out to the movie theater I told him we should definitely stream it. (I was also enthused to see the work of Kathryn Bigelow.) So after we put Emma down, we turned on the movie. Everyone knows the story behind Zero Dark Thirty so I guess it’s pretty obvious that the film showed torture, death, and the amazing perseverance of a female CIA agent (yes intelligent female lead!) It took a little while to sink in but here was a story of real people, soldiers, CIA agents, and families that endure so many hardships and terrifying situations every day. I couldn’t even imagine what it must be like to live in the Middle East right now, or ever for that matter. Then I thought about my ridiculous quest to find a play tent. What a waste of a day! What a waste of energy! I could have done so much more with myself. I could have done so much more to benefit my child, but instead I was on some idiotic rampage to hunt down a colorful piece of plastic tarp. I mean it all just seemed so surreal. My first world problem was laughable, downright forgettable compared to what others have to go through.

Which lead me to break down the reasoning behind my need to overly obsess about planning a party that, in all honesty, my kid won’t remember.  After some thought, the reason hits me…we made it. We are going to make it to one year with our sweet little love. It is an achievement and therefore reason to celebrate. A celebration for my husband and I (for making it through) but more importantly, a celebration that we get the privilege to share this time with our daughter. Simply put, we are able to celebrate our daughter’s first birthday with her when others aren’t. Time is not promised and I know several mothers (including my own) who had children that did not make it to their first birthday, so we will celebrate and enjoy ourselves every year because you never know what is going to happen. I will always be an overly enthusiastic birthday party thrower, but after my first world problem mommy lesson, I will know when to keep myself in check and remember what the day is all about, the celebration of life. 

The Binki Blues

We are just about two months away from Emma’s first birthday, an exciting and scary time all at once. We are approaching the point when I imagined we would start some serious bottle weaning. We have already introduced the sippy cup and I feel like Emma associates bottles with formula and since we are nearing our switch over to whole milk (organic) I wanted to kind of get rid of both in one fell swoop. Since introducing the sippy cup, Emma has already started to show disinterest in her bottle, which is good and bad since I am still trying to make sure she still gets the proper amount of formula. But, I have a feeling that the bottle/ formula weaning is in the bag! Or at least I am crossing my fingers for an easy transition.

What I am starting to worry about now is her binki. I figured at the one year mark I might just go rouge and eliminate bottle AND binki but as the days go by I am slowly realizing that we might be in for a more difficult binki weaning situation than I thought. You see ever since she was small, she was never super attached to her binki. She would take one every now and again, mostly to sleep. This rare binki usage had been a time honored tradition until a few months ago when Emma started getting sick a lot. The bniki became a comfort thing for her. So now, instead of only reaching for it before naps and bedtime, she pops one in her mouth almost every chance she gets. Often times there will be a spare one in her play yard or in her room somewhere and she gravitates toward it like white on rice. She even knows to turn it around if she puts it in upside down. My concern is growing as well because she has finally began to start talking and loves to babble away, but with the binki in her mouth…well she can’t talk, or at least can’t talk well and I want her to be able to express herself without a hunk of plastic in her mouth.

I am going to remain somewhat lax on this one for right now, but I would really like to rip this Band-Aid off sooner rather than later. I would love to hear when you got your baby off the binki. How did you do it? Cold turkey? One day at a time? Substitute a lovie? Lookin for some insight! Thanks! 

Pink Eye and Mommy Guilt: How I Manage to Stay in a Funk

I can’t seem to shake my mommy guilt lately. In fact I feel like I am floating away on the rapids of Bad Mother Creek. I am being slowly stifled by the feeling of inadequacy and I am doing my darndest to make it stop.

You see it all started last week when Emma was diagnosed with pink eye in both eyes and an ear infection. And this was no ordinary pink eye; this was the mucus king of pink eyes. I’m talking that green blob monster from the Mucinex commercials and all of his family members where congregating at my child’s tear ducts at an alarming rate. I had been reading recently how antibiotics where not necessary to combat ear infections and I almost waved my newfound knowledge in front of the pediatrician, but since the pink eye situation was obviously out of control I kept my “M.D.” mouth shut. So instead of trying to negotiate a medical cure for my child, I end up walking out of the place with a prescription for a very strong antibiotic. So strong, that I was instructed by the pediatrician to buy a probiotic meant for a 25lb kid (mine is 19lbs) to combat the copious amounts of bowel movements to come. Grand!

This happened on Friday morning so I was hoping by the following week things would be back in order for Emma to go to daycare as I am out of leave and now in a situation where I have to work or else not get paid. If I do not get paid I cannot pay for daycare. If I cannot pay for daycare I cannot afford to work in which I lose my family’s health benefits and all hope of moving out of our bad neighborhood (there was a shooting literally a few blocks away from us on Sunday). So you see where my guilt comes in contrast to my need to provide for my family leading to extreme stress which drains me physically and mentally. It is a really bad spot to be in but every time Emma gets sick I go through the same cycle all over again.

She has to be on the antibiotic for 10 days…10 days of not working cannot happen so, I had to take my child who was loaded up with antibiotics and probiotics to daycare (it was approved by the pediatrician). I wanted to be the one to make sure her diaper stayed dry and to give her cuddles when she wasn’t feeling well. I want to be the one to take care of her and be with her always, but then the thoughts of gang violence go dancing through my head and I put my guilt aside for the long term safety and wellbeing of my family. And pretty much these feelings cycle through me once a month (that’s how often she has been getting sick). It’s crippling really and I can only blame myself for not being more careful and getting pregnant before we were financially ready even thought I was told I could not get pregnant (story on that to follow). I’ve gone so far as to barely let her out of the house all winter long for fear she might catch something even though both her and I hate being stuck inside all day. However, I have not lost all hope. I know that warmer weather and fewer sick days are just around the corner so I am looking forward to those times to come to lift my spirits and bring health to my baby. I just have to hang on a little bit longer. 

5 Reasons to Follow Me on Instagram and Twitter

Ok folks it’s social media awareness day here. Right now I am working on streamlining a new layout for my blog, and twitter (story to come). I will be testing things out from time to time across all mediums and it would be awesome if you would come along for the ride!

Here are the top 5 reasons you should follow me on instagram and twitter:

    1.     Fun fun FUN: I love having fun and sharing all of my adventures with you. And I love hearing about yours.

    2.     Living in the moment: Wondering what I am up to during the day? If you want up to the minute reports on the latest tantrum or mommy conundrum then my twitter and instagram feeds are the place to be!

    3.     Pictures! Below I have included some gems, some of which I only post to instagram so for the exclusivity of it all I dare say you should follow.

    4.     Notifications of my posts: That’s right, if you aren’t already following me on Google+ or have me saved to your Google Reader (RIP) then my twitter feed is a great way to get the first notification of a new post cause let’s face it you are all sitting around waiting to hear my pearly words.

    5.     I like friends: I love interacting with new people and while sometimes I get busy (gasp I know) to the point where I cannot pick up my phone, I still back track and read almost all of the past tweets so your thoughtful posts will not go unnoticed!

And there you have it. If I haven’t convinced you in 5 rambling points then there’s a possibility I never will. I know some people avoid social media and maybe you enjoy reading actual full paragraphs of information and hey that’s ok too. Either way I’m honored to have you as part of my chaotic life. 

Follow Me: Twitter @pearlywordsofch Instagram @pearlywordsofchaos 

The Cry of an Amazon Woman: Our New Bedtime Routine

Focus and breath, you can do this. ~ This is what I now tell myself every night. For the past week or so Emma has unlocked the doors to tantrum hell and getting her to go to sleep has become an all out battle.

Don't get me wrong, my kid is sweet and so adorable 99% of the time. She can be snugly, she can be kind, sure sometimes she gets upset but people have their ups and downs during the day and I don't blame her. But getting her to bed has become a real sore spot for me and my husband. If even daddy is having difficulties I know we've entered a whole new ball game. It seems like just yesterday I was writing about our serene bedtime routine and now here we are weeks later and it has crumbled into the sink hole of pre-toddler abyss.

Every night after her play time, dinner and bath we try to unwind. I take her into her room with the lights off and we sit quietly in her chair while she has her bottle. But now, it seems like the bed time protest comes earlier and earlier with fussiness showing up after dinner and sometimes continuing through her bath. We reach the edge of the cliff when we go to sit "quietly" in her room to have her pre-bed bottle. Instead of cuddling and enjoying her liquid nourishment, she insists on squirming and looking around the room. She reaches out for anything and everything to touch and play with. I give in and finally give her a shirt that is draped over her toy basket. After inspecting it for several seconds she promptly leans over and drops it on the floor as if to say "I am now displeased with you" only to quickly change her mind and try to back flip off the chair to grab her precious play thing. Then she looks back at me longingly as if to say "but mommy I NEED it." Reluctantly I give in. I stoop down to pick it up only to watch as it cascades onto the floor seconds later. I see where this is going. And with that I resolve not to give in.

Then it happens, that look in her eye, she has turned into a wild child. The inner bedtime avoiding goddess emerges and she becomes a crying amazon woman. Unwaning, determined, no one shall get in between her and her quest to stay awake and do as she pleases. She has the confidence and will of a warrior. Swinging from the ceiling fan, riding bare back on her mighty dog beasts. She. will. not. be. tamed.

As the minutes tick by I sit wide eyed in wonderment until my body goes numb. I fade into the background, a statue that exists only to be climbed at will. Until finally, the warrior woman rubs her eyes for the third time. A sign of admitting defeat. She closes her eyes and drifts off to sleep. I can feel my limbs regain consciousness as I cradle my nine month old and every so gently place her in bed. Her eyelids flutter but that is all the protesting she has left in her. I stare in awe. This is how I will always remember my baby. Until tomorrow night my warrior princess.

Do you have a difficult time getting your toddler to go to sleep? What is your bedtime routine? I am thinking we need to change ours so I would love to hear yours!