Navigating Through Life

 

 

Recently on PWOC (aka: this blog, yeah I just made up an awesome acronym BOOM) you might have noticed some back and forth on my part when it came to deciding on whether or not to start a new job. I have been waiting to hear back on my start date which took a little bit longer than expected which gave my indecisive, anxiety ridden mind plenty of time to flip flop its way into an emotionally drained wreck.

There have been a million different (read hypothetical and probably unlikely to ever happen) scenarios running through my overly active mind and I have been trying to sort through all of my emotions and pick out what will make me and my family happy while maintaining some functionality (even though we tend to run on the slightly more dysfunctional around here.) There were several big, life altering questions I kept running into:

1.       Do I take this new job? Do I take another job? Do I say screw it all and stay at home?

2.       If I take the job how can I maximize time with my family because I will be spending more time commuting?

3.       Should I put Emma in a new daycare closer to my new job which will ultimately give us more time together but could possibly be emotionally challenging to Emma?

Thus why things have been pretty quiet around here. I’m not sure I can fully express the emotional toil I painstakingly went through to get answers to each of these questions, but I am going to try to sum it up. After weeks of what ifs and how about thats it finally hit me on a very sacred and incredibly infrequent (read: never ever happens) solo car ride. I finally put my big girl pants on and realized I am an adult now and this is still my life. My hopes and dreams matter and if they also happen to benefit my family all the better. I really want this job. I have been working for 14 years of my life and finally I have a real career, something I can work hard at and make a name for myself. Like I have in the past, I want to be the best at my job. I want to be sought after for my expertise. So finally, with confidence I can say, I’m all in.

Next (but never second really in my decision making) would be my family. After some thought, for right now, I have decided to leave Emma in her current daycare. Yes it is in my old office building and YES it logistically makes no sense to keep her there right now, but I am very apprehensive about putting her into a new daycare situation when hopefully in the next year or so we will be moving which will mean a permanent new daycare/ school situation. I am still going to check out a few other centers but for now, this place is all she has known and I don’t feel comfortable moving her (if she is anything like her mother change could be hard to handle.) The other reason for this is there is a slight, VERY small possibility that I might end up back at my old job. – more on this later if certain circumstances fall into place.

It all sounds so simple when I type it out into a few paragraphs but trust me, each decision was the result of many nights crying , researching, and conversing with my husband along with one epiphany on a highway. For now, I know this is the best course of action for my family and I fully plan on following through with everything. We shall see how things unfold from here. As for me now, wish me luck! My new journey begins on Monday!