So I’m not sure if you’ve noticed but I have been
particularly weepy and emotional lately and a lot of it has to do with change
and growing up. My growth and my daughter’s growth seem to be happening at the
same time for a moment and while I’m happy we get to experience new things in
our own little worlds, I am sad to be moving on. I am a very nostalgic person
and I tend to hold on really really tightly to the past. Nothing wrong with
looking fondly on the past except it hinders my enjoyment of the present and
slows down my planning for the future.
Part of the past I find myself holding onto with a death
grip is Emma’s babyhood. I know I am doing this partly because it is still
somewhat fresh in my mind and I want to preserve every second but the other
reason I am doing it is because…I miss having a baby. EEK did I really just
type that? Yeah I did. In fact, for the past few weeks/ months I have been
somewhat baby crazy. I know a lot of people who are getting ready to have
babies (a lot of 2nd and 3rd babies) and I want in. I
really want a snuggly little blob that just pops and eats. Nothing wrong with
my toddler, I definitely love this stage so far, it’s just hard to
nostalgically and physically hold onto a little person who is moving so fast.
I also keep hearing “So when is the next one” like every
other day and I would really like to just bust out a sono photo and go BOOM
there it is! I know however the three things I need to be in order are not
there. Mentally, I just started a new job and a new routine so I need time to
adjust to all of that. Physically, I am still carrying about 15 lbs extra from
my first pregnancy and I would like to be closer to my original weight.
Financially, yes I have been fortunate to get a new job but, it is still very
small potatoes and we really need to save up to get into a better neighborhood
first. That all being said, my baby dreams will have to be put on hold at least
for another year. SORRY PWOC fans but the pitter patter of Patterson feet will
have to wait another year at least. For now, I will be happily holding,
feeding, and snuggling all of my friends’ babies, enjoying my time with my own
loveable “baby” and continuing to look forward to the day when we can add to
our own family.
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