No Matter What

Well folks it's almost that time of year again...wait who am I kidding it is most definitely that time of year already, it's here...you know the warmth of family togetherness and the crackle of chestnuts over the hearth, the warmth of cookies right after they get done baking, the warmth of cozy hats and scarves...ah yes, I wish I could fondly say it is THAT time of year for me, but sadly it is not. I'm sure I will get to that happy place when cuddling with my family is all I need to do but right now, at this very moment, I am entering holiday panic phase 1...there are too many things to do! Yes I'm looking at you every Pintrest mom ever who has their holiday cards done and about 30 holiday crafts pinned from last week alone, yes you! I however have barely given any thought to any of it. Well except for one thing...

It is something simple (yet idiotically materialistic), Emma's Christmas gifts. It seems to me that mentally I am not able to move on to the ease (ha) of shopping for others until I have meticulously planned and purchased gifts for my child and well I'm even more overwhelmed than I was last year. I seem to have these amazing revelations after spending a weekend with my child that formulate themselves into amazing daydreams of wonder. For example, this past weekend, she was marveling over every airplane she saw...AHA! she would love an AIRPLANE for Christmas of course! Enter me, daydreaming about Emma flying an airplane through the air...wait wasn't there a vintage little people airplane I used to love playing with...yeah so you get the idea. And then just the weekend before she was enamored with this plastic horse (that the dogs had chewed nearly to bits: see below)

that came in a random bag of stuff I picked up from the thrift store. A HORSE! OF COURSE! Yes she shall squeal with glee when she wakes up to see a big new horsey next to her airplane and Elmo and teddy bear and crayons and on and on and on. My quest for perfection has me running circles in my head and I'm ready to get off this nightmare sugar plum merry go round.

Last year seemed so easy in comparison to this. Last year there weren't as many options. She was 6 months old...a rattle and some light up doohickeys...great! This year, with an ever growing mind, I am really trying to make sure I pick what she would like best. I suppose this pulls at the mommy guilt strings too because last year I just seemed to gravitate toward what she needed and this year, well I feel like maybe I'm not as in tune with what she wants/ needs. I know by next year I won't have this problem as I'm sure I will get bombarded with requests, but for now I am going to do my best to pick and chose carefully and thoughtfully.

I think I put a lot of pressure on myself because I have such fond memories of my childhood toys. True, not everything was a favorite, but I got endless hours of joy and my big imagination from playing with those toys. So here I am staring down the aisle, a horsey reaching for me from one side, an airplane flying at me from another, wait what's that grabbing my leg...hug me Elmo...oh no here come the crayons and the play dough....WHAT TO DO!?!?!?

Take a deep breath, I think to myself, she loves you no matter what.